Until We Are Broken, Our Lives Will Be Self-Centered

Thanks to Ransomed Heart for sending this my way! Love this…


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True strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant; our strength will be our own. So long as you think you are really something in and of yourself, what will you need God for? I don’t trust a man who hasn’t suffered; I don’t let a man get close to me who hasn’t faced his wound. Think of the posers you know—are they the kind of man you would call at 2:00 A.M., when life is collapsing around you? Not me. I don’t want clichés; I want deep, soulful truth, and that only comes when a man has walked the road I’ve been talking about. As Frederick Buechner says,

To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do—to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst—is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed. (The Sacred Journey)

Only when we enter our wound will we discover our true glory. As Robert Bly says, “Where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be.” There are two reasons for this. First, the wound was given in the place of your true strength, as an effort to take you out. Until you go there you are still posing, offering something more shallow and insubstantial. And therefore, second, it is out of your brokenness that you discover what you have to offer the community. The false self is never wholly false. Those gifts we’ve been using are often quite true about us, but we’ve used them to hide behind. We thought that the power of our life was in the golden bat, but the power is in us. When we begin to offer not merely our gifts but our true selves, that is when we become powerful.

Dealing With Our Emotions

emotionsRecently, I read a really devotion from Every Man Ministries about our emotions.  How do we as men “typically” deal with the hard stuff in life? The following are some ways in which we respond that can be very destructive both to our lives and those around us. I think it gives us a great idea of what to avoid as we pursue sexual purity AND emotional wholeness…


When it comes to dealing with our emotions, men run for the hills – alone.  We are not good at facing our feelings, let alone talking about them.  Most of us have been trained to treat our emotions like smelly socks that need to be washed, dried, and put back in the drawer.  Here’s what we do:

  • We hide and mask anger.
  • We internalize pressure.
  • We bury losses.
  • We deny being wounded.
  • We withdraw in the face of hard truth.
  • We push people away.
  • We change the scenery.
  • We keep secrets.

Episode 100: How Sex Addiction Can Destroy Your Marriage

IMG_68652WE MADE IT TO 100!! This week, I talk with my wife, Tracey Honess, about the pain that she as my spouse walked through as I struggled with a pornography addiction which greatly inhabited the first year of our marriage. Tracey shares her feelings about our story and where God has brought her as well as gives some great advice to wives who are hurting from their husband’s sex addiction. This is one you don’t want to miss!

Audio: 

Video: